Fallen off the wagon

I have become complacent lately, with the horrible weather causing my body to ache so much so that working out is the last thing I want to do. But, it looks as if Spring has finally arrived in Nova Scotia and I can get out for a walk each day. I am looking forward to the beautiful glden sun beating down on me.

I have also recently had a birthday. Thirty nine this year, not quite certain how I got to this age but 39 I am. I didn’t do any thing special, went to the grocery store and had chicken for supper, truly nothing exciting. But, I did realize that my age has truly nothing to do with my actual age. There are days when I feel closer to 90 than I do 40.

My body feels like it is breaking down bit by bit. I am hoping that once I get back into my routine of walking and working out, that I will start to feel better. Now that the good weather is here, I will be able to get out and just walk. Walk until I feel like I am going to fall down and then turn around and come home.

I also need to get back to a good eating routine, instead of eating only at supper time and then having popcorn later on. It is very difficult for me to eat since I have troubles with swallowing food but, that is a topic I already covered in a previous post.

Trying to eat six times a day

When I was first diagnosed as a Type 1 insulin dependent diabetic,  I was told that  I had to eat six small meals a day.  That went well for a few years but then I started “choking” on food when I tried to swallow anything other than fluid.

For several years I suffered in silence because it can be embarrassing not being able to swallow food.  At a 4 course, sit down, formal wedding dinner, with me as the maid of honour, I choked on the chicken and mashed potatoes.  It was at that point that I decided it was time to seek medical help.

I was living in Ottawa at the time and my doctor said it was psychosomatic, meaning that my body tells me that I need to eat for nourishment but my mind tells me that I can’t eat because I need to lose weight.  This is a mental disorder that most female diabetics go through, where they don’t eat, then eat a lot or deliberately take less insulin needed to control blood sugar levels. The actual terminology is Diabulimia . This works but only in the short term, with the long term effects,however, are not worth it. Going blind, kidney failure, and in some cases, death.

I chose life but at the cost of my kidneys. I now face an uncertain future, will my kidneys fail completely or will the damage reverse itself with proper eating and lifestyle habits? No more taking less insulin than needed, no more gorging myself until I want to vomit, no more starving myself. I am now on the road to better eating habits. I still find it difficult to swallow at times but biting into and chewing a piece of apple helps. It gets the throat muscles working and produces saliva to make food slide down easier.

Maybe one day I will be able to look back on these tough years and be thankful for getting through them. They have made me stronger and better. A small word of advice, never ever, fall into the bad habit of not eating properly as a diabetic, no matter if it is type 1, type 2 or gestational.