Spring has almost sprung

It has been a long and very brutal Winter here in Nova Scotia, heck in Canada.  It seemed that we got a snow storm every Wednesday for 3 solid months, but it wasn’t quite that long.  I shoveled my walk way every few days, whereas last year, I shoveled it maybe 4 times the whole Winter season.  My point is is that I got a lot of exercise because of the snow.

Now that Spring has nearly sprung, I will be getting out every day for a walk, no matter the weather.  I will walk each day shortly after I have my supper and hopefully walk for half an hour or longer.  I am still on track with my new lifestyle, no nicotine, no alcohol, no pot, and just a cup or two of tea on those days where I need a little bit of pick me up.

I started this entry a few days ago and am now just getting around to finishing it.

I have many goals set, one being getting down to 250 lbs and I will buy myself an elliptical machine and when I get below 200 lbs I will buy a whole new wardrobe. But the biggest goal for me is to get to my pre insulin weight of 175. It seems like a pipe dream right now but I have started the journey to reaching those goals. Maybe in 2 years I will be down to my pre insulin days. I am looking forward to that day.

There are a lot of stops on my journey to being 175 lbs, I Know I will stumble and fall, I will slide backwards, but as long as I keep my eye on the ball, I will win. I will win this battle of obesity. I would like to one day be able to say “I was once obese, but now, I am healthy, fit and love my life.” Powerful words but have so much meaning to me. I hope that when that day comes, that there will be people like me, now, can look up to me as inspiration.

PS: Today is day six without a cigarette… I had a bad craving over the weekend but I was able to get through it with carrot sticks and ice water…

Trying to eat six times a day

When I was first diagnosed as a Type 1 insulin dependent diabetic,  I was told that  I had to eat six small meals a day.  That went well for a few years but then I started “choking” on food when I tried to swallow anything other than fluid.

For several years I suffered in silence because it can be embarrassing not being able to swallow food.  At a 4 course, sit down, formal wedding dinner, with me as the maid of honour, I choked on the chicken and mashed potatoes.  It was at that point that I decided it was time to seek medical help.

I was living in Ottawa at the time and my doctor said it was psychosomatic, meaning that my body tells me that I need to eat for nourishment but my mind tells me that I can’t eat because I need to lose weight.  This is a mental disorder that most female diabetics go through, where they don’t eat, then eat a lot or deliberately take less insulin needed to control blood sugar levels. The actual terminology is Diabulimia . This works but only in the short term, with the long term effects,however, are not worth it. Going blind, kidney failure, and in some cases, death.

I chose life but at the cost of my kidneys. I now face an uncertain future, will my kidneys fail completely or will the damage reverse itself with proper eating and lifestyle habits? No more taking less insulin than needed, no more gorging myself until I want to vomit, no more starving myself. I am now on the road to better eating habits. I still find it difficult to swallow at times but biting into and chewing a piece of apple helps. It gets the throat muscles working and produces saliva to make food slide down easier.

Maybe one day I will be able to look back on these tough years and be thankful for getting through them. They have made me stronger and better. A small word of advice, never ever, fall into the bad habit of not eating properly as a diabetic, no matter if it is type 1, type 2 or gestational.

I am fat

Yes, you read that right, I am fat.  I can and do admit it.  What is harder to admit are the reasons why I am fat.  When I was a teenager, I was pudgy but because I was in army cadets (got 2444 RCACC) so I was active and pudgy didn’t get out of hand.  When  I was 18 I quit army cadets and that I think is where all of my problems started.

I guess I thought I could eat all I wanted and it would not get out of hand, but it did.  I am now more than twice the size I was when I was 18 and hate looking in the mirror.  I shove the hatred down in my soul with salty food.  I am a salty food person.  I don’t mind a chocolate bar every now and then, or ice cream but give me a large bag of potato chips and we will be friends forever.  Cereal is another one of my addictions.  If I bring even one box of cereal in the house with a carton of milk, I can guarantee the box of cereal will be gone by bed time.

I can admit that I am addicted to simple carbohydrates. When I was first diagnosed as a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic at 23, I was told I could have carbs and again, my addiction took over.  I ate pasta, bread, cereal, chips, popcorn, whatever I wanted but didn’t think or care about what they were doing to my body.  Now I know and care about what they have done to my body.

I am fat.  I am morbidly obese.  But, there is one significant difference between and most of the other morbidly obese, I own my addictions, I own the fact that I have done this to myself and I am working on changing it.  I have been working on it since September 2013 and within the next 4 months or so, I will be having weight loss surgery.  WLS is NOT the cure, it is simply a tool in the process of changing my  lifestyle to a much healthier and happier one.

From one carb addict to another, do something about it before you begin to wreck your body and soul.

Inspiration

I don’t know about you, but finding inspiration is tough for me.  Do I find it in another person? In a book? In doing something, anything?  My lifestyle change inspiration comes from NS Fit Bitch.  

She has struggled her whole life with her weight, her health and many other obstacles that would make a normal person want to give up.  But, she has persevered and is now a healthy, fit, wonderful, and encouraging lady.  She is my inspiration.

She is someone I have always looked up to, not just because I am short, but because she is this amazing woman who taken her fair share of knocks in life and fought back to be stronger and better.  Her workout routine seems extreme to most but for her, it helps her with her mental health, it helps her get the aggression out if she has any built up and it just makes her feel good, if not great, about herself.  She is simply amazing.

I hope she can find some inspiration in my journey as I find in hers.

Elizabeth

WLS and soul searching

I have had to do a lot of research, a lot of soul searching and decision  making to get to the point in my life that I am now.  I have had seven years to decide if weight loss surgery is really the way to go for me, or should I **diet** until I am considered just “over weight” rather than morbidly obese.  It was not a decision that I made lightly, it was not something that I decided overnight or even in a few days, like so many other decisions we are faced with.

I finally decided that weight loss surgery was for me because it is a lifestyle change that I have implemented. I have changed my eating habits, I have worked hard at giving up caffeine, working on giving up nicotine, I no longer smoke pot for pain relief and I never drank enough alcohol for it to be an issue giving up.

Giving up nicotine has been my hardest battle, but it is a war I will win. I am determined, and know that only good and great things will come with abolishing the slavery to nicotine that I face each day.

My biggest fear in giving up cigarettes is the weight gain, irritability and the shakes. The emotional roller coaster is the worst part of becoming a non smoker. I can go from being your best friend in the world to a bitch in a nano second. I do not look forward to that.

This coming Sunday I start my two week liquid food intake only. The guidelines that are given to each of the candidates for WLS must be able to begin and maintain the pre surgery diet, as it is what the first few days after surgery that we will be getting for food. Anything that pours like yogurt or thinner is what our food consistency must be.

If you are ever interested in about seventy five pages of light reading about the surgery, how it is done, how it works, the five stages of diet, etc, here is the link to the WLS Binder.

I hope to begin updating every day but some times life gets bogged down with so many other things, such as packing to move and appointments, but nevertheless, I shall update as much as possible. This is simply a way for all of my friends and family members to follow my progress through my journey to a healthier me.